family

This is kind of a cop-out post--most everyone is grateful for their family--but I really do have the greatest family on the earth, and I love each and every one of them.

Blood and not. 

They are the best. 

And I am thankful for them.

Essen!

[not my picture, and I also don't know what most of those dishes are. just wanted to illustrate the great variety we have. looks delicious though, right?]

Today I am thankful for food. Thanks to personal experiences and interacting with people from all over the world, I am very aware of the great blessing it is to have anything to eat, let alone the beautiful, plentiful variety that graces most of our lives. Yay for health! Yay for food!

Doctor's, Church, Sunshine!

Monday 11 Nov: Grateful for good, friendly, sincere and talented doctors and medical professionals who do their best to serve all of their patients. I usually live a medic-free lifestyle, but lately I have become pretty familiar with my local clinic, where I have had to return frequently to have dressings changed on my foot from where it got run over, and see the doctor for further diagnoses. Without exception, everyone I have worked with has been so helpful and kind. I am grateful for their good attitudes and help.

Sunday 10 Nov: I am grateful for the sacrament, and for church. I am grateful for one day a week that is set apart from all others to be able to set aside all the worries and cares of regular life and just focus on Gospel and the Lord. It is rejuvenating and healing to me.

Saturday 9 Nov: I am grateful for sunshine, and the mood-elevating powers a beautiful day has.

prayer and rain

Friday, 8 Nov: Grateful for rain and the calming, cleansing effect it has.

Thursday, 7 Nov: Grateful for prayer. Grateful to have a heavenly Father who knows, loves, listens to, and hears me.

Grateful for green and grateful for people

Thursday, 7 Nov: I am grateful for the landscapes of this world that the Lord created. There is so much beauty!!! From city skylines to remote wildernesses, from homey villages to pine tree forests, this is a beautiful world.



Wednesday, 6 Nov: I am grateful for people. I have a theory that most people are nice. Most people are just like you--just trying to do their best and live a good life and work with what they've been given. Most people understand that kindness is essential, and most people generally try to be a good person. I experience the blessings of good people all around me almost all the time, and I'm grateful for opportunities to interact with and learn from others.

Someone please turn off my foot! and other random thoughts

 It is past two o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep--my foot is hurting too much. I hope hurting=healing, but all I can think right now is that I also wish there was an off switch. Painkillers only do so much.

In other news:

• I have officially been in New Zealand for ten weeks. Usually I have a two month "hate" period of adjustment to a new place when it is really, really hard, followed by three weeks of semi-consignment before I learn to love where I moved to. Not so here! Although I have experienced a few depressing days of struggle and homesickness, I have loved and been at peace about being here since day one. It has been the easiest transition to a new place I've ever had.
• I woke up a couple of Tuesday's ago and suddenly driving on the left side of the road was normal. Now I'm trying to remember how we drive in the states and it seems strange.
• I have successfully integrated use of the words "yous" and "keen" (as in, "are yous keen to see a movie tonight?") two very important entries in the Kiwi Urban Dictionary, into my everyday vocabulary.
• Tunics and leggings no longer look strange to me.
• I have ceased wearing three layers everywhere I go. This is due in part to the fact that it is getting a bit warmer! But I am also adjusting.
• I'm turning white again. :( It is strange how this affects me psychologically. Sad day.
• I have been called a hippie twice in the past four months. I think because I travel and like healthy food. Go figure.
• I have watched Mr. Krueger's Christmas three times in the past three days. No, it is not Christmas. But this movie speaks to my soul, remember? I love everything about it. And JS and I are still bosom buddies.
• The two most important spices to have on hand are salt and red pepper flakes.
• The top two things I miss about being in a Tongan ward are #1: the hymns and #2: passing around babies. I miss all of my kids.

Endnote: For those of you who may possibly be contemplating moving to a new place or country, or for those of you who have new people around you, I have something else to encourage you to keep in mind which may help you if you are new somewhere, or trying to welcome someone who is. It is this--

It is not easy to move, and it can be exponentially harder with every mile further from the life you know best. This does not mean it's not worth it! But it is  hard. It's hard to move to a new country. It's hard to adjust to a new language (this time for me it's English, but it is a different kind of English) and a new culture. It's hard to live with people who aren't your family, and it's hard to feel lost everywhere you go.

It's REALLY HARD to start from scratch, making friends. It's EVEN HARDER when you're a single 25 year old girl in the church--everyone assumes you've served a mission. Then when they find out you haven't they ask if you've thought about it (as if you are secretly unrighteous and unfaithful and don't want to serve the Lord), and suggest that you give it a go. And then when you still don't go, especially when you're 25 and a girl and single, everyone assumes that you're desperate for a husband, so A) none of the boys make eye contact or talk to you because they're scared you're going to drag them to the Temple right there or B) people think there's something wrong with you since you're not married yet. AND since you're in a new country and know no one, no one knows that there is nothing wrong with you, in fact you're pretty awesome, it's just REALLY REALLY REALLY SUPER HARD to have to prove that to the thousand people you first meet all at once.

You may not know these things happen, but they do, and are the kind of experiences that can make you feel alone, frustrated, annoyed, impatient, small, and lonely, and reduce you to tears every time you come home to your still-unfamiliar, cold, and not-quite-home apartment. Sometimes it's really hard.

BUT I testify that the Lord has angels, and He sends them to help in situations like these. Every time I've been on the verge of tears here, someone has reached out to me. I can't express how much it means, just to be surrounded by generally friendly people who are not afraid to smile at a new girl, or ask her name. Angels in my life have come in the form of people who invite me into their homes, accept me in their families, and truly want to understand and know me. If there is someone new around you, reach out to them! Chances are that they are a wonderful person you will come to love, and you may never know how much your friendship means to them.

If you are new somewhere, remember that in the beginning it's always baby-steps. Deeper friendships come in time. Look forward to scheduled activities--go to church on Sundays, basketball on Tuesdays. Institute/volunteering on Wednesdays, and try to find something to do to stay busy all weekend until Sunday comes around again. That's life. Some days are easier than others. Some days are still hard. I've experienced lots of both. But for those moving somewhere new I say this: stick it out. If God says you are where He wants you to be, no one can say you don't belong. I know this is where I'm supposed to be and I wouldn't throw in the towel. Not over not having friends. Not over being cold. Not over feeling lonely or shy or frustrated or old or poor or stupid. I will not quit, as long as I know I'm supposed to be here. My ancestors are pioneers, and their blood is in me. Their strength is in me. With the help of the Lord, I can succeed here. And with His help, I know that you can succeed where ever you are or go too. Life is an adventure! And the adventure is a great reason to rejoice!

die Schriften

Thankful today for the scriptures. Grateful for ancient and living Prophets and for the word of the Lord to edify and instruct me. I notice when I fail to do the "small things," aka read my scriptures everyday, that is always when I struggle more in life. Reading the scriptures daily, even when I don't remember everything I read, helps to stabilize my life, and fills me with deeper faith, humility, hope, and love.

Fakamalo ki he 'Otua

Hola peeps.

As I sit here typing this, I am in the Waikato area of New Zealand, a beautiful, ever-green region of rolling hills and lush valleys just over an hour south of Auckland. I am attending a PhD writing retreat for a few days, and I guess the administrators either find the landscape here more effective for their students away from the hustle and bustle and responsibilities of the city, or they enjoy the get-away themselves. We're being housed in a beautiful college built on the Marae of a local Maori tribe. There are french doors in my room, and when I look out I feel like I'm home in Idaho--maybe the Snake River valley area outside of Pocatello or the Boise River gorge in Meridian. There are cows grazing near a lake down the hill from where I'm sitting, and I can see the wispy clouds and colors as the sun goes down over to the left of me. Welcome to Albion, New Zealand, lol.
I can't enumerate all the ways I feel at home and love being here. The glowing orb of happiness, joy, and light inside my chest is back, and it's hard to keep from smiling almost all of the time. Of course that doesn't mean that life is ohne Schwierigkeiten, but I can't imagine feeling more blessed, more happy, or having a more sure knowledge that I am where I am supposed to be. Life is truly beautiful.

[wow! I real life picture of me! haha, I finally borrowed my friends camera :) ]

 In the spirit of my gratitude for my current situation, and because we have made it around to my favorite time of year once again, here's to kicking off my Thanksgiving month with daily postings of the things for which I am grateful. (Apologies, since I have no internet at home and have been semi-bed ridden the past week [got hit by a car--foot is in a boot], I'm including gratitude posts for the past few November days as well). Even if it's just in a small way, I hope that my lists will help you to see the beauty in your own life as well. Because truly, no matter our situation, in the US, Berlin, Nepal, Norway, or down here at the bottom of the world, we all have great reason to rejoice!!


Monday, 4 November 2013: Grateful for technology, which among other things enables me to communicate with my loved ones around the world, as if we are still sitting together.

[this pic is actually from when I was in HI, but the concept is the same]

Sunday, 3 November 2013: Yesterday I felt especially thankful for prayer, and also for fasting. I was reading a talk entitled "Blessings of a Proper Fast" in the afternoon and the author wrote this: "Fasting can help us overcome personal flaws and sins. It can help us overcome our weaknesses—help them become strengths. Fasting can help us become more humble, less prideful, less selfish, and more concerned about the needs of others. It can help us see more clearly our own mistakes and weaknesses and help us be less prone to criticize others."

I add my testimony to his. I have seen these blessings come in my life, and am so thankful for the opportunity to petition my Father in prayer for guidance, forgiveness, help, and so much more.

Saturday, 2 November 2013: On Saturday I thought all day long how grateful I am for whoever invented the moon boot (hard, cast-like boot for walking when your foot/ankle is injured). I would be in so much more intense pain, and so much more immobile as well, without this wonderful invention to help at this time when my own foot can't support me on its own.

Friday, 1 November 2013: On Friday I was grateful for pumpkin cookies, and my achievement day teacher who taught us how to make them and gave me the recipe when I was eight years old. They've been blessing my life and keeping me happy (and chubby :) ever since.

what I REALLY think about Jesus Christ

Lately I have been feeling more and more gratitude for my Savior Jesus Christ, and He has been on my mind a lot more frequently. A few weeks ago I was asked to give a talk in church on this article with the prompt, "What does Jesus mean to us today?" I've been thinking about that question since then, even after my speaking assignment. When I see people on the street, hear stories on the news, or think about things going on in the lives of people I know, so often the thought comes to mind, "the Savior can heal that." The following is a list of some of those things I've thought of, and how they apply in our day. 

• Because of the Savior, we will all live again. I had a good friend die recently. He was just 31 years old and spent the last seven months of his life in a coma. He was newly married, and after just two months of "real marriage," his wife got to watch him slowly slip away over days and weeks and months from where she was sitting everyday next to his hospital bed. The pain she has experienced through that has been tremendous, and she continues to struggle--a widow at 27, all their plans and dreams and hopes for the future gone. But because of the Savior, I know that my friend lives again, and I know his wife will see him again.  

• Because of the Savior, we can be with those we love forever. If they accept the Gospel and take part in the eternal sealing covenant, those like my friend and his wife can be together forever. My grandma passed away in 2008. It's incredible how much I think of and miss her. But though I miss her, it is without pain--I know I'll see her again. Time goes by so fast, and the day will come when I will be able to hug her and hear her voice once more. Because of the Savior.  

• Because of the Savior, our sins can be forgiven. We can be better tomorrow than we were today, and truly change. I have a very good friend from college who committed a very serious sin several years ago. The consequences of his choice included being kicked out of school, sent back to his home country, shamed publicly, and losing his fiancee, his athletic scholarship, almost all of his friends, and a great deal of pride. But I had the opportunity of stepping into the baptismal font in a temple with him a year later, where he was wearing white, completely forgiven, cleansed, and changed. He was not the same man he was before or when he committed that sin. He was new, and he was whole. Because of the Savior. 

• Because of the Savior, we can be healed from pain. This is a big one. It includes being healed from the pain and embarrassment of small things, like feeling rejected when someone you like doesn't reciprocate, to the pain we experience because of anther's choices. It's not something I talk a lot about, but I have a long past history of extreme abuse. Often when people find out about it they are very surprised because I "seem so normal" or as one lady told me recently, "for having a history like that, you are very smiley." That's just the point! The Savior can heal us so completely from bad and hurtful experiences, that though scars remain, we can still live a beautiful, happy, wonderful life, no matter the dark places we may have been stuck in at any point. Because of the Savior, we can be happy.

• Because of the Savior, we always have a friend. I now live more that 7000 miles from my closest friends and family. I have spent most of my adult life away from them, in fact, and while I always miss them and love them greatly, the separation is made so much easier because I know that I am actually not alone. None of us are ever truly alone! Because of the Savior. And I just have to say something more about this--prayer is such a blessing! I have felt so close to my Heavenly Father lately as I have tried to really talk to Him, to pour out my soul. I know He is there, and I know He hears. I know He cares.

There are so many reasons to love and be grateful for the Savior. I can't list all of them here, and I think that because all of us have different trials, He probably means many different things to all of us. But I challenge you to try this test: ask yourself, "What does Jesus mean to me?" or "Why does Jesus matter in my life?" Such an exercise, at least in my experience, is a blessing. It opens our eyes to all the ways we are so dependent on Him, and how lost we would be without Him. I love Him. I am grateful for Him. I stand with President Faust in declaring, "To the question 'What does Jesus mean to modern man?' I testify that He means everything." 

And because of Him, we have great reason to rejoice. 

Peace, love,

Me

It's all over

And America won.

Go team Oracle.

Sad day for NZ.

Who's ever heard of America's Cup?: why I'm cheering against my homeland

Something that is making me smile lately is watching all of the excitement, tension, and hype over a boat race taking place right now in San Fransisco--America's Cup. Ever heard of it? I haven't, at least not till I got here to New Zealand. Apparently it's like the sailing Olympics. It happens every four years, and since Auckland is the city of sails and yachting is a national past time, you can guess that it's a pretty big deal around here. As one person who was explaining its importance to me said, "it's the only thing that New Zealand is really good at."

I think there are a whole lot of other things New Zealand is "good at" (peanut slabs, meat pies, nice mountains, cool accents...) but they are definitely very good at sailing, and I have found myself cheering for them against Oracle, the American team, as they've raced over the last ten days or so. Every day, barring any unforeseen weather difficulties, there are two races. Here in New Zealand they happen at 8:10 and 9:10 in the morning, respectively (PS New Zealanders say "ten past eight and ten past nine" and it's very funny to me), which means that, since the whole country is watching it, life doesn't really start till about 9:30 everyday (half past nine :). The teams race around in the ocean following some imaginary lines only sailors can see, and try to be the first team to collect 9 wins. NZ was leading 8-1 over the US recently, then they were 8-3, and now, weirdly (and a bit conspiratorially, according to some), they are tied with the US 8-8. To be honest, I will be disappointed if they lose to Oracle, even though that would be a really incredible comeback story for my own country. I guess it's just the fighter spirit in me. I like cheering for the little guy. :)

PS--I love these commercials. "Lean with Us"

 

The City of Sails

Sorry peeps, no personal pictures yet. My friends have a camera they're going to lend me, but I haven't yet remembered to buy batteries for it. Soon though!

Despite the lack of pictures taken/owned by me, I figured I could still give you an update on what's going on down here.

1. I belong to the greatest ward in the world

From my bishop to the Relief Society president to every sweet aunty and brother who has kissed my cheek or shook my hand every week, down to the precious primary kids who already smile deviously at me and yell "hey Kesaia!" when they see me, I could not feel more at home or more welcome. 

2. I love where I live!

New Zealand is like Ireland! Green, green, green everywhere!

3. I love who I live with

I could not be more well taken care of, even living in my mom's house. The family I stay with makes sure I eat, that I am staying warm, and that I have  everything I need. I love them. I love that they care about me.

4. Institute is awesome!

There is a HUGE church institute program in Auckland and it is a great way to meet people and take church-related classes. There's even an institute building only a ten minute walk from my office! It has been WONDERFUL to retreat there some days, and I try to go even if just for a few minutes most days so that I can practice the piano and feel the spirit a little bit.

5. Shivering 60% of the day is a great way to burn calories!

For real. You should try it.

6. Flavored tuna is a delicious invention

Who knew, right??? My favorite lunch at the moment is a generic brand of Tuna with a Thai Sweet Chili flavor and rice crackers. The "sweet" part of the name is kind of misleading--it's super spicy. I love it.

7. Traveling to the south pacific is so much cheaper when you live in it!

Honestly. You can get RT airfare to most of the pacific islands for between $300-$400. And you can go to Australia for $200!!! In case you're wondering, I'm totally going to Australia while I'm here. Maybe early next year...

8. Idahoans are surprising people
They do things like move half way around the world for grad school, meet their spouse, and settle here to stay (I'm not talking about myself. I'm talking about a girl I completely randomly sat next to on a bus who ended up being from BOISE IDAHO. The odds of that are astoundingly, infinitesimally small. It was a crazy experience.) 

9. Being tall is great
Everyone takes it for granted that you're an famous athlete and want to meet you. :) (but instead of asking if I play basketball, here they ask if I play net ball)

10. Seeing the world you live in from a new perspective is good
It's been very interesting to watch the news when the weather comes on and see NZ set in a sea of pacific water with nothing above, nothing below, and nothing around. It's strange to me to remember that I live in the southern hemisphere, and even though it's bigger than Maui, it's still an island, and a very, very small country. It feels like the world is upside down when I look at the map.

11. PhD's are not that big of a deal
Honestly. It's just more school. I've decided to give up being intimidated by people with advanced degrees. All that really means is they've spent a lot more time in cold, dusty libraries reading books with pretentious titles and writing papers that almost no one ever read than you have. It's a sad thought really.  You should never feel inferior because you didn't choose to spend your time that way. But what am I saying? That's how I'm spending my time right now, lol. :)

12. Family is fluid
The more people I meet, the bigger my family becomes. It's that simple.

13. Lamb can taste good
No really, it can. You have to boil it forever and a day, but put some onions in with it and eat it with roast carrots and sweet potato.... yum.

14. The Temple is the house of the Lord
No matter where it is. It is His beautiful house.

15. Everyone loves a good Motown jam
Did you ever meet anyone who didn't start snapping their fingers and tapping their feet when they hear the Jackson 5 come on? I didn't think so. Motown is a leveler. It erases the differences between people.

16. Kiwi's are really friendly
I have been to over a dozen countries and lived in a lot of places, but I can honestly say that I have NEVER met a people so friendly and helpful and genuinely nice. Honestly. Even in the big city. People are overall extremely polite and considerate. I love it. I need to improve myself so I fit in better.

16. A quarter century is old, and moving to a new country right before your birthday will probably make you feel lonely
This is self-explanatory. But yes, I am now 25, and I actually do feel old. Especially thinking that recent RM's are still just 21 or 20. When did I become a grandmother in the dating world????

17. Life is so good
And we all have great reason to rejoice!

holy moly I'm in New Zealand

Hola peeps. What's up? Guess what? I'm in New Zealand. Woah, right? It really is a big 'woah!' for me. The past week has flown by. Monday I woke up at 3am and couldn't go back to sleep all day. I packed and repacked, prayed over my luggage--that it wouldn't be too overweight--and prayed even more over my car, to sell it before I left. Miracle of miracles, I did, and literally three hours before I left for the airport, I signed over the title with the money in my pocket I needed to be able to open a bank account and start my life here when I landed. My flight was not fun. I was ultra tired and just wanted/expected to be able to sleep the whole time since it was an overnight flight that didn't leave until 11pm anyway, but No! For whatever reason AirNZ seems to think it's a great idea to serve "dinner" at 1am and "breakfast" at 4. Yuck yuck. They kept turning the lights on and making intrusive announcements on the PA. Needless to say I took a long nap after arriving in Auckland.

It is beautiful here. It's like Seattle--very wet and very green, but minus the tall pine trees. I can't believe where I live! I am living with a great friend of mine and her family and it is in such a perfect location; I couldn't have wanted anything more. I can see the Sky Tower from my bedroom window, and Auckland city skyline around it. It is close to shopping and buses, but in such a nice neighborhood and far enough away from "the city," that I do not feel claustrophobic or hustled. Wow. I am so blessed.

School starts Monday. I am excited. It is grey outside but I have such a feeling of light and warmth inside me. I know this is right for me. I know this is where I'm supposed to be and I believe that great, grand things are in store. It's hard to think of my family being so far away, but I am reminded that if we could see with God's eyes, we would realize that it's not so very far after all.

Sorry for the lack of pictures--It didn't occur to me that when I left my phone in the states I wouldn't have anything to take pictures with here. I will try to remedy that soon, because you're going to want to see what I'm looking at. :)

Love you all.

Rejoicing from NZ,
love,
me

Der Sommer

It is two o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep. Usually when I can't sleep it's because I'm thinking about something, and with T-11 days till NZ, you can imagine what. As I think about all the changes coming in the near future, I think about the funny and witty and entertaining and inspiring things I will write on my blog for you to read. And then I remember that I'm a terrible blogger and haven't opened this template in months. Time for that to change. I feel a need to blog, not because I want to broadcast my life or experiences, but because I feel too blessed not to. Even if it's just in a small way, I hope that something I may say or write someday on here might benefit someone. Sunshine is the goal. 

With that in mind, I'd love to tell you about my summer. 

It's been lovely. I've had taimi 'ifo (delicious, wonderful time) with family and friends, and been rejuvenated and recharged in a myriad of ways. Leaving Maui, as predicted, was HARD. BUT I have a strong feeling that I will be back, that it is my home, and I hope someday I can share it with YOU, when you finally come visit me. :)

The summer has been a whirlwind of travel and adventure. I arrived back to immediately attend a cousins HS graduation, then a family reunion, and got to spend a couple of relaxing weeks with my fam while freezing in the forever-dawdling Idaho spring (see previous post). 

The middle of June brought me a much anticipated gift: an aptly named "Rocking Roommate Reunion Roadtrip" from UT to Seattle with three of my closest and much-beloved friends. 

These girls light up my life and are continuously teaching and inspiring me. Not to mention making me laugh. Love you R, N, and L.

Portland was next, with another week with a favorite aunt, uncle, and cousins. I grew up during my high school summers with them, and love and miss them a lot. My dear aunty decided she wanted to go back to being a farmer, and she has enough chickens, goats, rabbits, horses, cats, etc. to prove herself one. I had a wonderful time going back to my roots and milking goats, bottle feeding the kids, and collecting eggs from the chickens. Aunty K is a master food preserver and professor of self-sufficiency, and I learned how to properly butcher both chickens and rabbits. Living in a Tongan world for so long has desensitized me to such experiences, though I'm not anxious to repeat them. I just don't like taking the life of another creature. :(

Following up that week was a visit to another aunt and uncles house, fun time with more cousins (I am decidedly biased, but I really like my family and think they're the best in the world), and finally home again for the 4th of July and preparations for our epic summer block party. 

The block party was my brainchild, and something I looked forward to and planned for several months. When work was particularly tough or I was struggling, I would just think about what the party was going to be like and how much fun we would have and all the people I could cook for (cooking for people is my joy in life). And the party did not disappoint. Although we weren't able to have everyone come that I would have liked (out backyard isn't exactly big enough to fit the whole world into, and we would most definitely have run out of chicken), the important ones were there. We ate delicious barbeque and salads in my mom's perfect yard, watched a movie projected onto the house after dark, and for those whom we were related or particularly close to, slept outside on the grass that night, under the stars. The next morning delivered a beautiful sunny day in which we ate a large pancake breakfast and spent an ultra-wonderful afternoon kayaking on a subsidiary of the Snake River. So perfect. Such a gift. 

 

Other family activities included wild berry picking and exploring some new (to us) little Idaho towns. 

August came on with a fury, and I saw a cousin off at his mission farewell, finally got to see and hug my brother after 15 months apart, and added a new country when I spent a week in Mexico with some beloved extended family members doing humanitarian work at some orphanages. 

My older sister went too, and we've only just arrived back home from all those adventures and time with family in Utah once again to dear-old-Idaho. Tomorrow is an overnight camping trip with little brother for his birthday, Friday is all-day packing and repacking, and Saturday it is off to Boise to fly out. I will have six more days in Maui trying to sell my car and settle my nerves, then it's off to Aoteroa for me. 

Am I excited? A little bit. 

Am I nervous? Maybe so. 

What are my thoughts? Mostly I'm just going to miss my family a whole lot. They may not know it, but it's a lot more difficult for me to leave them than it looks. It is my one consolation to know that the Lord is there and watches out for all of us constantly, whether we are or are not together. I know He is there in your life too. I hope you can see Him today. 

Ehrlich gesagt, hab' ich wirklich zur Freude groβen Grund.