today I have been home all day resting my back, which has ceased to function properly.
it is a blessing to have been unexpectedly scheduled twenty-hours fewer this week than normal, so I can take the time to rest. it constantly amazes me how heavenly Father has all of the details of our life so perfectly in His hands. He knew I would need this break at this exact time. BLESSING.
I have been thinking so much, so often, lately, about the people who fill my life with all the happiness and love and laughter which I do not deserve, but have nonetheless. I am so grateful for brothers, sisters, my mom, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, adopted family, friends, roommates, teachers, coworkers, ward members, ward leaders, mangers, bosses, church leaders, political leaders, and countless others who continually inspire, uplift, and teach me. through words, by example. it strikes me how the greatest changes and marks that are made in us throughout life are not made by events or things that happen to us, but through human relationships--how we are treated, how we treat others, conversations we have that stick with us, things we see that never leave our memories. I am sure future dark moments in my life will be forever affected by remembering the smiling faces of new friends I've made here, who continue to smile in spite of facing challenges like losing one's husband to a wood chipping machine, and then, mere months later, one's son to a mistake made during routine surgery; enduring thousands of miles and three years of separation from a new and much beloved spouse because of immigration law; or struggling to overcome addiction to drugs, alcohol, and tobacco in order to support one's broken family. why do I, who have so much, including a knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the plan of salvation, whine and weep and moan so often over the struggles of my life, when so many with so much less are still able to find it within themselves to be happy? this is a great lesson for me, and for you, and for all of us, as we start a new year. be happy. enjoy life. for God is there, and He does love us.
on another note, with all of my free time lying on my back today I have begun to write and piece together my life story. my goal is to write a memoir. this is very difficult for me to do, and I am scared, but I feel like at some point in my life, this story needs to get told. If I do decide to follow it through and don't give up, it might be finished by april. I guess we'll wait and see. on second thought, YOU wait and see. I will write.