God of our fathers, known of old--
Lord of our far-flung battle line
Beneath whose awful hand we hold
Dominion over palm and pine--
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget - lest we forget!
The tumult and the shouting dies;
The captains and the kings depart:
Still stands Thine ancient sacrifice,
An humble and a contrite heart.
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget - lest we forget!
Far-called, our navies melt away;
On dune and headland sinks the fire:
Lo, all our pomp of yesterday
Is one with Nineveh and Tyre!
Judge of the Nations, spare us yet,
Lest we forget - lest we forget!
If, drunk with sight of power, we loose
Wild tongues that have not Thee in awe--
Such boasting as the Gentiles use
Or lesser breeds without the law--
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget - lest we forget!
For heathen heart that puts her trust
In reeking tube and iron shard--
All valiant dust that builds on dust,
And guarding, calls not Thee to guard--
For frantic boast and foolish word,
Thy mercy on Thy people, Lord!
Right now it is 10:25 pm on a Saturday night. I just got back from a volleyball game and finished grading a stack of German tests. My roommates all left to play elsewhere, and I am sitting in our arm chair listening to halves of songs until I get tired of them, and trying to figure out what applying to Grad school is really going to take. It is dark and cold outside, and although my foot is asleep from being tucked underneath me, I'm too apathetic to move it. If I could be doing any number of other things at the moment, these are some of them:
I would be...
1. sleeping on a plane headed to Tonga.
2. eating a salad at Cafe Rio.
3. in the middle of a tickle fight with my little brother.
4. on a beautiful, long, taxing and totally-worth-it run to the lake with a friend.
5. sitting in a kayak skimming across Lake MacDonald at Glacier National Park.
6. looking at the stars through the top of a tent while camping with my family.
7. waiting for my little sister to get home from her date to preference tonight.
8. talking to my best friends.
9. driving a really big truck.
10. cheering at a Rugby game.
11. feeding people Pumpkin cookies.
12. lying in the sun after a day of tubing on the Snake River.
13. watching the moose while sitting on a bank fishing the Snake River.
Lots has happened this past week. Procrastination and/or laziness (aside from just being busy) has kept me from posting about them till now, but here you go:
1. I heard back from the Fulbright committee. I didn't get it. Feelings? Initial disappointment, followed by a whole lot of relief. At least I can finally make some plans! Simply not knowing was the hardest part. Now I can begin researching other scholarship options and who knows, maybe an even better opportunity will present itself!
2. I found out that my Great Works Responses for my honors portfolio passed. Hallelujah! First hurdle cleared, I now *just* have to pass my defense and pose for my senior portrait. :)
3. I found out that I got another undergraduate research grant. BLESSING!
4. I LOVE MY POSTCOLONIAL LITERATURE CLASS. That has to be in capital letters because I'm serious about it. Love. It.
5. BYU Rugby won their first two games. The first one was against Claremont Colleges, 86-0. Painful. The second, USD, 25-10. Wish I could have seen the games, but don't worry, I've read all the news articles and almost feel like I was there anyway. :)
6. I get to do a poster about my research for the annual Honors Thesis Symposium. fun fun. Creativity and inspiration, please come to me.
7. I was assigned a chair for my honors thesis defense. ... haha, this last piece of news is actually very humorous, but in order for you to understand why I have to delve into a little story: Last March I presented at a conference in Jackson Hole, Wyoming with a group of other honors students from BYU. While we were traveling there we talked about honors program stuff and one student asked one of the administrators who was there chaperoning us exactly how Thesis Defense Chairs are chosen. The adminstrator explained how, after you turn in your thesis and portfolio an email is sent to all of the professors who do honors thesis chair work and they pick (based on topic, educational genre, how long the thesis is, etc.) who they want to chair. The student then asked who the most difficult chair was, from a student perspective. The administrator laughed and then named an English professor who is already infamous for her intense and intensely difficult classes. I had heard of this professor before, and although I've never taken a class from her, I have heard from many friends how difficult she is, especially when it comes to what you write for her. The honors admin explained that she is the most difficult because she really picks the thesis and the portfolio apart and gets the student to examine and defend every part of it. I started shaking in my shoes that day in the bus, and silently prayed that she wouldn't pick me to chair. I really worried about it for awhile but then realized that my fear was probably irrational; out of all the students who wrote theses, what was the likelihood that she would choose a random thesis about Germans in Tonga to chair?
haha.
You guessed it. Today I opened my email and there, sitting in my inbox, was a notification that my defense chair will be none other than, that's right, the very same English professor. After the initial punch-to-the-stomach kind of fear/shock, I started laughing uncontrollably. Oh, the irony. Needless to say, I'm a little bit more nervous now, but actually, I realized that I'm stoked! What better way to prepare myself for graduate school and really show that I know what I'm talking about than getting into a situation where I REALLY have to be at the top of my game? I know that any other professor would be challenging, but I have a suspicion that Heavenly Father gave me this one so that I could really stretch and humble and prepare myself. It's going to be AWESOME!!!
(My bro. That's right, we're an eternal family. No, you can't have him.
But you can be jealous. He really is that awesome)
Guess what?
I'm done.
The project that I have been working on for the past two years is finished.
There is a pile of 300 pages of a portfolio + a 77 page thesis now sitting neatly in a tall printed pile on the desk of some honors representative.
I am $25.67 poorer and the copy center is $25.67 richer. But they're out at least a ream of paper.
Every Saturday that I have sacrificed,
every Friday night I spent sequestered in the attic of my house,
every green and pink sticky note still stuck in the pages of dozens of old research books,
every awkward moment that resulted from answering "worked on thesis" to the question of "how was your weekend?",
every weird look David Bowie* gave me over the summer,
and every phone call/text message/email that never got returned because I was busy
will soon be worth it.
Soon I will gather with some of the people I love most in life at a decorated table in a banquet hall to eat a catered meal on BYU plates. We will wear our Sunday best and drink with our pinkies up and smile as we listen to a speech about the prestige of graduating Summa Cum Laude from a University like BYU (and knowing me, I will probably cry.)
But that's not why I did it.
I did it so that I could show the little freshman Kasia who had no confidence in her future that indeed, with the help of the Lord, she can do hard things. She can make it happen. She can reach her goals. And if she can, you can too.
So Hurrah! Hurrah for finishing what we start! Hurrah for dreaming dreams bigger than we are! Hurrah for challenges that seem insurmountable and Hurrah for surmounting them! Hurrah for the Spirit of God which makes it possible to move mountains! The challenges are not over, nor will they ever be. In the case of my thesis there's still a defense, revision, publication, and classes in the way before I'm finished. Not to mention dealing with the terrible realization ***shudder*** that I will be graduating unmarried from the University with the most eligible bachelors in the nation. haha. There must be something wrong with me. :) But for real. I know it's not over yet, but I feel so much lighter now. The end is in sight! Hurrah for Israel!
*haha! Excerpt from one of my family letters this summer explaining David Bowie: "Funny story: there is a man who works as a librarian at the Archive who, for no apparent reason, does not like me at all. The first day I came in he wouldn’t speak directly to me, and instead spoke through his coworker who was seated next to him. “She’s looking for what?” he asked, as if I wasn’t standing 18 inches from him. “Did you ask her why?” “What does she expect to find here?” “Tell her to go to the search books.” Really weird. The next time I came in he rolled his eyes as I handed him my card to check-in, but still didn’t say anything. The next time I accidentally dropped the converter plug for my laptop on the ground as I walked through the door and when it fell to the floor he spun around and glared at me then walked over quickly to snatch my card from me and walked back to his desk. Nice of him to spare me the walk there. :) This situation is made even better by the fact that the man just looks so CLASSIC. Haha—picture 6 foot tall, medium build, leather pointy-toed shoes, button up shirt, glasses, and shoulder-length DavidBowie hair. Seriously. He can hate me if I can laugh about his hair. :)"
lunch break.
sitting cross-legged on my office chair eating a ham sandwich.
listening to alan jackson.
dreaming of moving to the south
and road trips after graduation.
life is good.
Right now it's portfolio crunch time, and the floor of my living room is buried under stacks and stacks and stacks of papers while I try to cram five years of my greatest undergraduate achievements into one 3" binder. While digging through my files for old papers I found a gem of inspirational literature. I feel that I can justify a 20 minute break from my 15 hour sorting frenzy to share it with you.
~~~~
"Are You One of The Priceless Few"
by William H. Danforth
I am on a voyage of discovery. I search for those of you who will go on a great adventure. I am looking for you, one of the audacious few, who will face life courageously, ready to strike straight at the heart of anything that is keeping you from your best; you intrepid ones behind whom the world moves forward. To you, I am going to unfold a secret power that but few know how to use--the secret power of daring and sharing which carries with it tremendous responsibilities. Once you have it, you can never be the same again. Once it is yours, you can never rest until you have given it to others. And the more you give away the greater becomes your capacity to give. Deep down in the very fiber of your being you must light an urge that will never be put out. It will catch this side of your life, then that side. It will widen your horizon. It will light up unknown reserves and discover new capacities for living and growing. It will become, if you don't look out, a mighty inferno that will consume your every waking hour. And to its blazing glory a thousand other lives will come for light and warmth and power.
It is going to take courage to let this urge posses you. My life in business and my contacts with young people have convinced me that the world is full of unused talents and latent ability. The reason these talents lie buried is that the individual hasn't the courage to dig them up and use them. Everybody should be doing better than he or she is, but only a few dare. Prospectors for gold tell us that gold is where they find it. It may be in a bed of a river or on the mountaintop. Prospectors for courage tell us the same thing; the one who dares may be found in a cottage or in a castle. But wherever you live, whoever you are, whatever you have or have not--if you dare, you are challenged to enlist in a cause.
H.G. Wells ells how every human being can determine whether he has really succeeded in life. He says: "Wealth, notoriety, place, and power are no measure of success whatever. The only true measure of success is the ration between what we might have done and what we might have been on the one hand, and the thing we have made and the thing we have made of ourselves on the other."
I want you to start a crusade in your life--to dare to be your best. I maintain that you are a better, more capable person than you have demonstrated so far. The only reason you are not the person you could be is you don't dare to be. Once you dare, once you stop drifting with the crowd and face life courageously, powers harness themselves for your service.
Who wants to do unimportant and uninteresting things? To desire something permanent in life, to develop your gifts to the largest possible use-that's your dare. You have a wealth of possibilities, but maybe up to this time you have lacked a definite aim. I dare you to aim at something worthy of the best that is in you.
~~~~
Makes you want to be better, right? Yes! Yet when I look around at all the papers on my floor and think how much more work I have to do before my goals are met, it's a little discouraging. BUT, I am trying to aim. I am trying to shoot high. Who knows where the arrow will land? Whether we live in a "cottage or a castle," the secret is in learning to dare. Amen.
Two years ago, when I had just gotten back from Vienna, I watched a program for youth online called "A Brand New Year." This program influenced my life (I would say changed, but I feel like that phrase is overused and therefore, getting cheap). It got me excited (more than I already was) for all the good stuff that is to come in life, no matter who or where you are. Tomorrow can ALWAYS be brighter than today. Faith is for the future. Anyway, I can't find the exact video that I watched and loved so much, but this is the home site for "A Brand New Year," and here is this years version. Enjoy!
As the old year passes, like you, I've taken several moments to reflect on the year come and gone, the experiences I've had, and the miracles I've seen. I've taken stock of where I am now compared to where I thought I would be, and set some goals for where I want to be this time next year. Some of my resolutions:
1. Say hi to people I see that I know (I sometimes struggle with this, mostly because of plain shyness--if I seem to have snubbed you in the past, I'm sorry! I'm going to be better!)
2. Keep up on my reading in classes!
3. Stop being afraid. Of people, of situations, of events to come.
4. Study the scriptures
5. Do what matters most
6. Smile.
So far I've been doing pretty well. I've found that the best way for me to achieve a goal is to follow the SMART rule of goals: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. Also, reminding myself of my goals helps me to stay motivated because I never forget what I'm working toward.
This new year is going to be great. I can feel it. Specifically I'm looking forward to a few key events this year:
Rugby season! starts this weekend, with our first home game on Feb. 16th. See byurugby.com for more info.
Graduation! woot! woot! I can't wait to attend the honors banquet with my fam and take pictures next to the BYU sign (not to mention everything else graduation entails, haha)
Rugby world cup!!!!!!!! To be held in Auckland BEGINNING ON MY BIRTHDAY in September. How much more clear could it be that this is going to be a good year? It starts on my birthday! Not sure yet if I'll get to go to any games, but I'll keep you posted. Definitely watching it no matter what/where I am!
Road trips! California, the South, and the East Coast.
Lots more learning! really, I'm not all fun-focused. I'm super excited for my classes and the remaining papers I do have before I graduate. I'm planning on soaking in all the rest I can of the BYU experience before moving on.
and last possibility---maybe presenting at a few more conferences and receiving some special scholarships/grants? We'll see!
So those are some of the biggest things in my life that I'm excited about this year. I hope you enjoyed the holidays and are gearing up for a whole slew of wonderful new experiences too. As always, with all the possibilities that exist in our lives and the truth that the Lord lives and the Gospel is restored, we have such great reason to rejoice!
I am not a fan of over-indulgence, commercialism, or materialism. Christmas time then, as with every other holiday, is often hard for me to swallow as I see it practiced in the media, department stores, and our culture. Always, it seems, the real reason we celebrate is pushed aside as we wake up early for Black Friday specials and max out our budgets spending for holiday gifts that are frequently spur-of-the-moment and, let's be honest, sometimes just stuff to put under the tree. But if Christmas is not in the gifts and the happy jingle bell music and the red and green colors and the "North Pole" display at the mall, where is it?
This is a question I ask myself each year, because to be honest, surveying the frenzied "celebrating" that goes on every December just makes me more and more desirous to NOT teach my children traditional Christmas traditions, and to pretty much hide my head the entire month. The memories that I always come back to, however, keep me from "Grinching" myself up, remind me of what the true spirit of Christmas is, and give me hope that, despite what we see going on around us, it is still possible to keep Christ in Christmas.
Let me share two memories I have with you that keep this hope burning.
The first is from when I was about five years old. We lived in a small, run-down house in a small community where we knew pretty much everyone and everyone knew us. My family didn't have a lot, and for Christmas this one particular year, two unknown benefactors had brought us some food. Though I'm sure we could have made use of it, instead of keeping everything for us my mom had an idea: she took one of the hams and packed it and us kids and my dad up in the car and we drove to a friends house. Roger was the name of the friend, and he was a man who lived near our neighborhood, divorced and alone. Roger was a long-haul truck driver who rode a Harley when he wasn't gone, and parked his 18 wheeler next to his house when he was home--the truck dwarfed the little white, two bedroom place he lived in. I remember being confused as to why we would be visiting him--he wore black leather and had a big, bushy beard and to me had always looked really scary--I didn't know him very well. My mom though, in her typical, big-hearted and friendly fashion, had thought of him when we had more than we needed, and we took the ham to his house and sat and visited with him awhile. He let me play with a kaleidoscope he had bought somewhere, and my sister and brother and I colored on his tiny kitchen table. I found out that he wasn't at all the big scary man I imagined him to be. In fact, a few years later when my dad was gone for some reason and my brother needed a substitute father for an activity at church, he called Roger who, flattered, dressed in his best black leather and picked my brother up on his motorcycle to take him.
When I think of the reason for Christmas, I often think of Roger, and the mysterious good Samaritan who gave to us so that we could give to him. I think of him in his black leather at church, beard trimmed, smiling and waving his fingers at my sister and me and singing the hymns loudly from the back row. I think of what I would have missed out on as a child if I hadn't know Roger. Since then, when I think of Christmas, I think of him and that one December night.
The other memories I have which help me enjoy rather than resent the season are of the traditions my family keeps each year. To us, the most important part of Christmas is the days leading up to it when we decorate the house, get a tree, listen to Christmas carols, and make treats to share with others. We usually go caroling, we ALWAYS do the 12 Days of Christmas, and on Christmas morning we have a blast eating our traditional breakfast together and reveling in the last moments of excitement and anticipation before we open gifts. As everyone has gotten older the pleasure of Christmas centered on the bright paper and gifts seems to be getting displaced by the joy of being together and sharing time with one another. Though I sometimes miss the innocent butterflies-in-stomach kind of sleeplessness from when I was little, waking-up during the night to check the tree, creeping to find my stocking in the darkness, I love better now seeing the smiles on my younger siblings faces and truly giving, rather than recieiving, heartfelt gifts. When I think of Christmas, I hear scratchy John Denver Christmas songs and smell Orange Rolls and see colorful shadows and reflections of Christmas tree branches and lights on a darkened living room wall while lying next to my little brother on the ground, watching the scene. I think of the exuberance of my siblings when we sing to elderly neighbors and how fast my brothers run after doorbell ditching a "12 Days" recipient. In our home, we all believe in Santa Claus--not as a man in a red suit who will bring us everything we ever wanted, but as a feeling we all accept into our hearts and a place we all fill when we reach out and give to others.
In the hustle and bustle of this season, when I'm feeling frustrated with endless consumerism and cheery pointy-toed elves and stories of reindeer, the glow comes back to me by remembering what Christmas really means--that love came down to the earth, and we are able to grow and learn and change and live because of it. Christmas means giving to others, like those who gave to us, us giving to Roger, and all of the fun and excitement that comes by being a Christmas angel is someone else's life. The holiday is a time to spend with family and those who are dear, and to more earnestly seek out the Christ child who was born so humbly in Bethlehem. It occurs to me that, while our culture and our neighbors may be out trying to find the best deals on last-minute minutia, it is perhaps infinitely better to be counted among those staying inside, seeking after the greatest gift of all--the Exaltation and Eternal Life which is promised to those who earnestly seek the Savior. This post is not to say that either myself or my family is perfect, but only to express how much I appreciate the time to step back out of mainstream Christmas and practice it in a way that brings more peace to me. As the wise men of old sought the baby Jesus not to ask for gifts or presents or healing or anything else they may have wanted, wise men and women still seek Him, bringing gifts of broken hearts and contrite spirits and lives worn out in His Service. I hope that as we keep Christmas this year, amidst everything else, we learn to keep it in our hearts, and truly keep it the whole year round. Merry Christmas.
My little bro would say his are Jingle all the Way and How the Grinch Stole Christmas
All of my guy friends love A Christmas Story and The Muppet's Christmas Carol
Some are attached to Home Alone 1, 2, or 3
and others love Smoky Mountain Christmas, Christmas in Connecticut or While You Were Sleeping
Each year my family watches White Christmas and Holiday Inn and there are probably quite a few I'm forgetting.
I like all of those (bar a couple), but the two very best Christmas movies of all time, the ones I watch every year and pine after and am ALWAYS uplifted by and want my children and their children's children and their children's children's children to watch, are Mr. Kreuger's Christmas and It's a Wonderful Life. Always tear-jerking, always life changing. Try it. I promise you'll like it.
Yes, they both feature Jimmy Stewart. Very astute observation you. And yes, it's true, we are bosom friends. We're going to be neighbors in Heaven. But that's not why I love these. They're just amazing, that's why.
Hi Friend. I have something for you. I really need you to watch this video. Then I need you to think about it, and write back to me to answer this one question: What does the birth of the Savior mean to you?
I've been thinking about this all day. This morning I went to Salt Lake to watch the Tabernacle Choir, David Archuleta, and Michael York perform for "Music and the Spoken Word," and also give a mini-concert after. It was beautiful. All the lights and music and the wonderful spirit, however, brought one question to my mind, that same one posed to you above, and the video I watched tonight made me ask myself again, "Kaj, what does the birth of Christ mean to you?" My answer? There are too many to write them all here, but as I've thought today, the following things came to mind:
To me, the birth of Christ is a representation of God's love for us. Nephi once said, when asked if he knew/understood the condescension of God, that he didn't, but he knew that the Lord loves his children (1st Nephi 11:16-17). Because of the birth of the Savior, I know that the condescension of God means the same thing as the love of God. Because God loved us He sent His Son to earth to atone for our sins--John 3:16. Christ is love (Moroni 7:47).
Because the Savior was born, He lived. Because He lived, I know how to live. Because He lived, He had to die. Because He died, we all can live
When the Lord was born, Hope came to the earth.
The birth of the Savior means to me that there are greater things than what I can see and understand.
The birth of the Savior means that we have great reason to rejoice.
Also, isn't it interesting that the words in English for the Sun and for a son/the Son are homophones? And not only do they share the same sound, their meanings are also related. They are both glorious, powerful things that bring great light into the world, beyond the mortal understanding, comprehension, or ability to be harnessed by the sons of men. I wonder what the entomology of these words is. Wouldn't it be interesting if we named the Sun after the Son because of the great light it gave to the world? Just a thought.
But now it's your turn to answer my question. What does the birth of the Savior mean to you? Comments would be appreciated. Thanks.
Last night my roommies and I went to SLC to see the lights. We ate at the Pie Pizzeria and ordered a huge-o pizza that even the four of us couldn't even eat half of (and trust me, we were hungry). After our delicious dinner we oohed and aahed over the beautiful trees and magical decorations on Temple Square. Have you ever seen downtown Salt Lake City at Christmas time? B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L. We sang carols (my idea) while people around us looked on, and took pictures by the reflection pool. We told stories and laughed our guts out and had fun catching the eyes of random strangers while sitting in traffic on the way home. Best Date Ever. Oh, and did I mention that my roommates bought me a new coat for Christmas? Funnest shopping experience of my life, and also the most touching. They are amazing, and I will be eternally grateful I got stuck with them this year. Love love.
PS-Long-awaited pic of said roommies. Beautiful, no? This is us showing our personalities, taken especially to use on our Christmas Party invitation a couple of weeks ago, to personalize it. Did I mention that we had a Christmas party? It was pretty rockin' too--over 80 people came, and we had a blast! I am grateful for friends.
Just some thoughts from my mind today, inspired by church lessons, conversations with neighbors, and my conscience:
"Goals are the “yeses” of the future that allow us to say “no” to the temptations of today." (see this link for more info).
When Jesus Christ was born into the world, it wasn't as if He came with a worldwide newspaper headline announcing "Savior of the World--Born Today in Bethlehem." It was news the world had to discover. The world still has to discover the news of the Savior, and the Good News of the Gospel of Jesus Christ [interesting side note: In Tongan the word for Gospel is "ongoongo lelei," which, literally translated, means "the Good News"]
The Savior is the best friend we've ever had.
We turn on lights at Christmas time to symbolize the light that came to the earth when the Savior was born. Plug 'um in people--there's a reason.
Never judge anyone--God knows your whole story, and He still loves you.
And finally, "Wise men [and women] still seek Him." More about this to come in a later post.
Merry Christmas everyone. Frohe Weinachten, and Kalisimasi Fiefia (I'm actually not sure how to say 'Merry Christmas' in Tongan, I just made that last one up). I hope you're having a wonderful season already.
Today was the last day of classes, and it was awesome. I did well on an oral final I had tonight, and thoroughly enjoyed the gym this afternoon. As the semester comes to an end I've been thinking about the fact that after next friday is over, I only have one more finals week left at BYU. Next April that finals week will be immediately followed by a short walk in a shapeless blue gown and hat to receive a piece of paper signifying my competence in critical academic areas as outlined by the College of Humanities. And what about when I get my diplomas? and take off my hat? and wake up the next morning? Then this part of my life will be gone, just like that. What I've lived and loved for five years will be as done as Rocky after his last ring fight in movie #7. Unlike the Italian Stallion though, I will never make a comeback to this time in my life. Overnight, I will go from being a degree-pursuing college undergrad to a full-fledged, real-life Graduate and member of society. Does that mean I will have anything figured out? Who knows? It's another four months from now, so maybe, but if my personal history is any indication, chances are that that time will arrive before I am ready for it, and I will be a little shocked at the suddenness with which I see my story change.
I have loads of plans for after graduation though, starting with figuring out a job for the summer. I need a job that will enable me to make enough to save for the future, while still providing the flexibility for me to take a few key road trips I've been planning. Don't tell me it doesn't exist or isn't possible. It will happen. Aside from a job, almost anything and everything else depends on what I hear back from the Fulbright committee come January. Their decision will determine whether I spend the whole of 2012 on Maui's fish in the southern Hemisphere, or whether I start chasing some new and other dreams.
Whatever comes, I excited. I am reminded, even in my uncertainty, that God has all power to make things turn out for our good. He can dream any dream infinitely better than I can, and He has the power to make them all come true too. I once asked Him to help me get into college, and He opened the doors of BYU to me. When I was a sophmore I asked Him to help me travel, and I haven't spent a full year in the country since. At this point in my life I'm asking Him to help me have patience, wisdom, and understanding even in uncertainty, and to bless me with dreams for my life and self which will fit His will for me. In pursuing whatever those things are then, I know that I will be doing what I'm meant to do, which is what I want to do.
Until April then, I guess I will just keep chugging along here. Doing my best here. Trying hard here to live each day to its fullest and not let any opportunities to learn, grow, serve, and change pass by unrealized. In the place of my brain that plans for my future I'll keep dreaming about Tonga and Deutschland and Nashville and New Zealand and the Bitterroot Mountains and Hawaii and Alaska and South America and all the other possibilities that are tucked in there. Someday I'll do them all. Maybe next year. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
"Brothers and sisters, indeed we have great reason to rejoice. If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing, then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most.
"Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most."
Hi friend. Sorry I dropped off for a bit. Thanksgiving and all, you know? I have much to be grateful for though, and it wasn't for lack of moments of rejoicing that I didn't report back on here. The best part of my Thanksgiving week was, of course, being able to spend it with family. Delicious food, delicious world, and delicious people to be cooped up and snowed in with. Thanks fam for being awesome.
Second best thing about Thanksgiving week--I finished my thesis! Of course, at this point, I don't mean finished, finished, but first final draft finished. Revisions will be happening in the next few weeks for sure, but the most challenging, most difficult (hopefully) part is now over. Oh, and did I mention that it is currently 61 pages? Gasp, I know. I never thought I'd write that much about anything, let alone a research topic (they're usually boring, don't you know?) But it's truly sitting next to me in all it's real, printed glory. With lots of red marks on it, of course, having already been through it's first trip to my professor. But I'm not discouraged. With a little work, it will be the best thesis ever written! (I'll accept checks for personal orders! :) )
So anyway, life lately has been good. It's always good, of course, but lately I've just felt so happy. I have so much to be happy about! Even challenges, when they come, can't take my peace away. Like tonight, for example. It's almost midnight and I've still got a lot to do. So much to do, in fact, that for only about the eighth time this year, I would classify my internal feelings as ones of stress. Definitive statement then: I am stressed. BUT, feeling stressed doesn't mean it's time for me to crumble. I am capable of doing hard things. I know it. Sometimes events in life require that we climb harder, faster, and be stronger, and stretch ourselves more that we thought we could. We may have to sleep less, wear the same socks two days in a row, and forgo a hoped for event in order to achieve what we most desire. But even in sacrificing, we gain.
Sorry that this is so train of thought and therefore, may seem jumpy to you, but at this point in my monologue I am going to introduce one of my favorite analogies to you--that of weight lifting. In case you did not know this about me, consider yourself informed: I love to lift weights. I'm not a die-hard gym goer, but I look forward to twice a week weights classes when it's just me and the bench and the weights and my body and I get to push myself and think and clear my mind and work on physicality instead of intellectuality for a little while. And then, the next day, I get a kind of secret, personal joy when I feel the results of my efforts in regular movement--sore shoulders, tender abdominal muscles, achy calves. Oh, the joy.
But that's not the point. My point is, life is like a gym. We don't get anywhere, indeed, there's no point in even being there (the gym)/here (alive), unless we're willing to work and try and push ourselves and sweat. And when we do, the results are sweet. Things that were once difficult gradually get easier. Areas of ourselves that we might have been self-conscious of or even ashamed of, with time and concentrated work, may actually become areas of confidence for us. To me, that is what I see when I think about my life. There are many things that I am not very good at, but the scriptures (Ether 12:27) teach us that God can make our weaknesses become our strengths. In my life, I have seen how when I am humble and teachable and both seek to improve my weaknesses and have faith that they can be improved, with time and effort, viola! they are.
Yay for weight room analogies and for true life principles! We can change. We can get better. I'm not going to let feeling stressed rob me of the wonderful expectations I have for tomorrow, this weekend, next week, the rest of this year, and the rest of my life. Though distraction it may be, it will not sidetrack me from what I really know--that our lives are more than our to-do lists, and our worth more than the things we can quantify. God will still love me if I get a B- or a C in my Statistics class, and it's okay if I don't do my hair perfectly tomorrow. Life will go on. And it will be great.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I'm now home with the fam, diggin' the snow and 9 degree weather. I have to admit, I think the Blizzard warnings for Utah were a bit dramatic yesterday, but I am grateful for the safety we had by heeding them. And leaving a day later gave me extra time to work on my thesis last night. I've got almost 50 pages now, if you count the appendices. :) Life is good.
Today's note includes yesterday's gratitude mention, und zwar: I am grateful for Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol, which is in my #1 favorite Christmas book of all time. If you haven't read this book, you NEED to. Tell me who you are and I'll buy you a copy for Christmas. It's that important to me that you read it. I promise you will be changed for the better.
As for today's measure of thankfulness, I am grateful for protection from weather--housing, clothing, heated automobiles. I can't imagine conquering snowy mountain passes in a covered wagon or on frozen feet. I am thankful for the comforts of my life.
I am grateful, so grateful, for country music. You can laugh if you want to, but I'm serious. I. LOVE. COUNTRY. MUSIC. end of story.
Monday, 22 Nov. 2010
I am SO grateful for my truck, which finally got fixed yesterday. It helps me move people and things and go grocery shopping and to the temple and to visit people and on both short and long road trips. It makes me smile and turns bad days good, just by driving it because it's so fun. Yes, it's older than me. No, it can't fit more than two and a half people. And Yes, it does sometimes make embarrassing noises while stopped at red lights. But hey, it will probably last another fifteen years, and for that, it's all worth it. In addition to having my truck, I'm grateful for my grandma Cindy, for selling it to me. Thanks Cindy!
Today, as always, I am so grateful for the Savior of the World, Jesus Christ. He is known by many names: Redeemer, Prince of Peace, Lord of Lords, King of Kings, Son of God, Son of Man, Mighty God, Holy One, etc. The name I love Him most by, though, is Savior, Brother, and Friend. I have a testimony that Jesus Christ is the living Son of the living God. He came to earth to fulfill a plan set by our Heavenly Father to atone for our sins and overcome death. He suffered unimaginably in the garden of Gethsemane, suffering which caused him, "even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that [He] might not drink the bitter cup and shrink" (D&C 19:18). He did that because He loves us, and by so doing, He prepared the way that "we might not suffer if [we] would repent" (D&C 19:16). I am so thankful for His atoning sacrifice that makes it possible for me to change, so that I don't have to be the same person tomorrow that I am today. I can be better. I want to be better. I am grateful for my Savior whose association (sought through scripture study, prayer, and pondering) helps me to be better. I love Him.
