Men on Maui

I am writing to you from my living room sofa (actually, I live in a studio apartment now, so it's my living room/diningroom/kitchen/family room/bedroom sofa). I just finished watching the beautiful 'Ulalena show for the fourth time (thank you talented hula dancer coworker for the free tickets), and am now comfortably in my basketball shorts, Superman-CTR Tshirt, and glasses, eating Corn Chex from the box. It is on my mind to tell you some stories about the main subject that I think people wonder the most about in my life: men. In case you are wondering, yes, I do date. No, I am not dating someone right now. Maybe you will understand better why after hearing what I am about to tell you. But first, some prelude.

My landlord's name is Mike. He is Caucasian, male (obviously), and probably about 46ish years of age. He is in great shape, runs a para sail and handyman company, owns a large, beautiful house of which he takes immaculate care and rents different parts out, and he is also a bit of a hippie. He has long hair, usually a few feathers hanging from his ear, plays bass and "yells" (his description) in a rock band, and is absolutely alone in life excepting friends, renters, customers, and his cat, Sneakers. I didn't realize how truly lonely he must be until the other night when my roommate and I were headed out for a walk. He came out on the porch and started talking to us, asking us if we had any friends he could date. He said something which initially surprised both of us, but has since brought amazing clarity to some confusion we both had. His news: for every three women on Maui, there are seven men.

Wow, right? (sidenote: I know A LOT of girls who would almost commit to a daily commute across the pacific just to live in a ward with those kinds of odds at BYU, but I digress).

This statistic, which apparently comes from Match.com (I know this isn't a good source, but we're going with it for creative purpose), is apparently the reason why Mike isn't dating anyone (because usually those three women are crazy, according to him), and sheds a whole new light on the everyday living situation for my roommate and I. All of a sudden, SO MANY THINGS MAKE SENSE. Like why, all of a sudden since moving to Maui, we feel like hotcakes on a griddle, whereas in Utah/Idaho/any where else we've ever lived, we can go months without any acknowledgement from a member of the opposite sex that we even exist?


So  now, some stories:

Two hours into my first day on Maui I met a man who was working at the Hostel I stayed at. Shirtless, wet, he had just come back from snorkeling. Early 50's, shaggy hair, caucasion. He winked at me and told me Idaho girls are easy to fall in love with. 'Oiaue. I have been avoiding making eye contact with him every time I've seen him since then.

A week later I was at the beach by myself. A man approached me in the water, started talking, being friendly, and then asked if he'd seen me somewhere before, possibly at the nude beach the previous Sunday? Um, no, definitely not. I was in church. Too bad, he said. I should check it out some time. Wink. Gag me.

And one of my (least)favorite's--a bearded man with double nipple piercings who called me baby, asked what time I got off work, and promised that we would have fun. Um, no thanks.

In the following weeks, months, and now in two years, I have accumulated quite the collection of "pick up" stories, from the grocery store, the bus, front street, the mall, work, etc. If you're a girl and like free food, I can tell you that the beach pathway is a great place to walk around late afternoon time. I have been impromptu invited to dozens of BBQ's, bachelor parties, birthdays, and "just to have a few." I'm telling you, being a girl on Maui makes you feel like an important commodity.

Sort of.

Because there is a huge downside. Like, despite the fact that there are seven-to-three options, there are no real options. At least not for me. I'm sorry, but I'm not attracted to beer belly's, womanizer winks, or kava drunk requests to to'a (represent the traditional village virgin and serve the kava). Added to how unattractive the offers have been is my natural shyness and discomfort when men I don't know start talking to me. My coping mechanism is usually ignoring attempts to flirt, brushing whomever it is off with excuses, or being as short as possible when someone whistles at, yells for, approaches, or in any other way tries to "hit on" me (ps that's a weird phrase. Why do we use that? What does it even mean?)

And that leads me to one of my latest encounters.

On Saturday I went to spend the evening at my family's house across town. I have a car but I love to walk. There is a park adjacent to the neighborhood my family lives in, and I was taking a short cut and walking through it. In the distance I noticed that there was a group of Hawaiian men who were all sitting together talking story and laughing right in the area I was going to have to walk through. Being accustomed, for the past two years, to being called out to when I usually encounter such situations (I had actually already dodged two men already that night, including the one from the hostel, haha), I braced myself. As I got closer and closer to them, I noticed them look up and acknowledge me. Oh boy, I thought. Please don't say anything to me. I really don't feel like being hit on right now*. I kept my head up, tried to look confident, purposeful, and busy, and continued in my path across the park. I made it past them fifteen feet, breathed a sigh of relief, and thought I was home free. Not so.

"Hey! Ui! Seestah!"
huh?
"Hey! Seestah!"
I turned around to check who was yelling. A medium size Hawaiian guy, shirtless, belly hanging slightly over his surf shorts, no slippers, beer in hand, had gotten up and was walking towards me. He motioned at me with his hand.
"Hey Seestah, com hea"
Dude, I'm not your sister. Me, waving my hand in a distracted fashion, turning around and continuing walking "No thanks!"
Him, louder: "Hey! Seestah!
Me, continuting to walk.
Him: "Hey I jus wanna talk to you. You don gotta be afraid."

Lol! I'm not afraid dude, I just don't feel like being on stage for you.

I continued on, didn't look back. I was too tired and uninterested to feel like stopping, even just to be polite. But I laughed and laughed. "Hey! Seestah!" Classic Maui. So classic.

I'm not sure that this happenstance is something I'm going to miss once leaving Maui, but I do have to say that it has made life a little more interesting here. For the most part I've never felt in danger (there were a couple of guys, but thanks to different friends who showed up at the right time, nothing has gotten out of control), just a little cornered a few times. My advice to any men who might read this who are interested in finding a girlfriend anytime soon: treat girls like people, not merchandise. It's not flattering, it's demeaning.

Mahalo for your kokua.


*Tangent: I'm not sure if men understand that (at least for me, maybe it's different for other girls) it's really not flattering to be whistled or yelled at, and it's REALLY not flattering to be ogled or followed. My thought: YOU DON'T KNOW ME. Any attention that you're giving me right now is based solely on your judgement of my outward appearance. And in my opinion, based on my calculation that beauty really has very little to do with anything aside from genetics and hygiene, that really doesn't mean anything to me because IT'S NOT ME.  Are you picking up what I'm putting down here? I get the concept which is that appearance is the first things someone can see and judge, but I'm just saying I don't like feeling like that's all someone cares about when they meet me. Especially if it's someone I feel hounded by. KthanksforreadingI'mdonewiththisnow.

But a real PS- I'm still rejoicing! And you should find reason to, too. :)

A corner that is forever

Being a BYU English major gave me many things, and an appreciation for poetry is among those gifts. In one of the many, many, many literature classes I attended was a section on war poetry. That week I discovered a poem which gives words to feelings previously unutterable by me.

The Soldier- Rupert Brooke

IF I should die, think only this of me;   That there's some corner of a foreign field That is for ever England. There shall be   In that rich earth a richer dust concealed; A dust whom England bore, shaped, made aware,   Gave, once, her flowers to love, her ways to roam, A body of England's breathing English air,   Washed by the rivers, blest by suns of home.    And think, this heart, all evil shed away,   A pulse in the eternal mind, no less     Gives somewhere back the thoughts by England given; Her sights and sounds; dreams happy as her day;   And laughter, learnt of friends; and gentleness,     In hearts at peace, under an English heaven.

Why, you may ask, do I love this poem? Because somewhere in everyplace I have been, there is a part that, though I am not still there, is forever mine. My walking route in Vienna. My keke lady in Vava'u. My train station bench in Berlin. My carrell in the Harold B. Lee Library. And even deeper, there is in my heart some corner that is forever all the places I have been and all the people and things I have loved. There is a corner of my heart that is forever hanging out with my grandparents. There is a corner of my heart that is forever country. There is a corner of my heart that is forever Provo and Idaho and family and roommates and friends and books and experiences and my mom's lap. And yes, there is now some corner of my heart that is forever Maui.

I will be leaving my precious valley isle soon. I will miss it so much. I will miss the water and the red dirt and my town and the people and my friends and the culture and church and my precious primary children. I will miss my job and my coworkers and the food and the language and the roads and the quirks and the shape and the spirit of this little rock itself. But there is a part of me, I think, that will always be Maui. The things I've learned and the experiences I've had and the people I've met--my soul has absorbed them so thoroughly I can barely remember myself without all of it. And I know that there will be in my life much, much more to still absorb. I will be home for three months visiting family and friends and soaking up a quintessential American summer. Then, at the end of August, I will be leaving for New Zealand. I do not know what is to come there; I don't even really know what to expect. I don't know if I will stay and succeed in my intended and chosen program, but I will give it my best shot. And I am guessing that, a few years down the road, whenever it comes time to move on from there, I will look back and then be able to say that there is now a corner of my heart that is forever New Zealand. I'm sure glad we have these lives to live. Life is a great reason to rejoice!

life, lately

What the?!
Two posts in one day?
I know, right?

Life lately has been full (read, overflowing) with challenges. I have shed more tears in the past three months, I think, than in many other months previous. But not all for sad reasons. Here is a list of some of the things that are on my heart lately, for good and also for bad. I feel lucky to have so many.

[:)]

1. My brother is going on a mission! My adopted brother, who just turned 19 and of whom I could scarcely be more proud, has been called to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the San Fransisco/Oakland California mission, speaking Spanish. He leaves in three weeks, and I am emotional every.single.day alternately thinking of how much I love him, how much I'm going to miss him, and how proud I am of him.

[:(]
2. My back is killing me. This is obviously not a good thing. Here's the LD (read, lowdown, for those of you who don't want to guess at the acronym I just formed): I injured my back several times in my early teens, and since the time I started college have struggled with severe and sometimes debilitating pain. I have been to many, many doctors and tried many, many things. The severity of what I experience varies and I have found things that help and things that haven't, but I have never found a solid reason or cure. In January I was recommended to a sports injury chiropractor with whom I have been doing physical therapy for the past two months. The pain has diminished quite a bit and I have learned to manage it a lot better, but it is still there. For some reason it has been "acting up" this weekend and I have been in distracting and excruciating pain. I had so much to do tonight and my heart set on attending two specific events that are important to me, but due to my back being how it is, the most I can do is lie here on the couch with ice and painkillers and try to keep my pelvis as flat as possible. TMI, I'm sure. Alas, as much as such situations are frustrating, they make me SO thankful for every single day and moment and experience I have pain-free. Also they always remind me that my life is in the Lord's hands and maybe He's just teaching me to be still and slow down. I don't mind lying here if I can learn from Him while doing it.

[1/2 & 1/2]
3. I moved out of my house. This is an event filled with many mixed emotions. I am thankful to have my own clean and quiet space again, but I miss my [adopted] family so much it hurts. Blah. Sometimes I wonder how much further my heart can stretch before .... well, I don't really know before what. But as thankful as I am for all the people in my life to love, stretching hurts too.

[:(]

4. I have only a few months left on Maui. Not loving this thought right off, so I have to focus on what it means--getting on with my life! Graduate school! My future! But I love Maui so much. I am going to be a tear-streaked bucket of sobs when I get on that departure plane. Hoi.

[:(]
5. Work has been ueber hard lately. What with stuff going on outside of work and issues that have arisen on the clock, the difficulty of wearing a sincere smile while there since November has been far increased. Are things getting better? Not so far, but I do know that the only thing I can control is myself. My attitude and my spirit are up to me. I'm working on this.

[:)]

6. One of my best friends moved in with me. Yay for having friends! My roommate of three years, one of my very best friends and a girl I met my very first day in my very first class in my very first semester of school at BYU moved from the mainland to come live with me for the months I have remaining here. It has been so wonderful to have her. To remember who I was before Hawaii and who I still am and to have her here to explore, adventure, and experience with. Blessed.

[:(]
7. My brother is not making very good choices. I think one of the hardest things in life is seeing someone you love do things you know will cause them pain in the long run. I am praying hard for him right now. I wish he could see an eternal perspective more clearly. Pray for him, would you?

[:)]

8. I love the gospel SO much. This cannot be overstated. Sundays and Thursdays are my favorite days of the week, because of church and institute. When I'm there I never want to leave. I feel so hungry for the spirit--I just want to drink it up and up and up and up. I can't get enough of the scriptures and church talks and videos and general conference (only three and a half weeks left!) and sharing my testimony and listening to beautiful music and looking at inspiring art. I am so thankful for these gifts in my life.

[:)]

9. I love my primary children SO much. This also cannot be overstated. Though they once intimidated me to the core, I can't imagine life without them now. I love being greeted by half a dozen strong little Tongan kids bulldozing their way full-speed ahead down a hall or across the church parking lot to call me Sister Cook and throw their arms around me and tell me hi or they love me or where was I today? They even recognize my car! Their pure faith and budding testimonies strengthen mine like no other. I thought recently how blessed I am to serve in the primary--to witness and be able to observe first hand that most faithful group of people whom the Lord encouraged all of us to be like: the little children. His mercies to me seem never to cease.

[:)]
10. I am so thankful for all that I have. Opportunities to serve and to be alive and health and strength and gas in my car and having a car to begin with and people to love around me and love that others show to me and tender mercies that I see and wonderful memories that fill me when I'm thinking of nothing and a beautiful world to live in and blueberries to eat sometimes and the blessings of work and SWEATING. There is truly just too much to list. And I am happy. There is much that seems to be hard and wrong right now, but there is far more to be glad about. And to rejoice in. I am grateful for it all. I don't mind crying over the hard, because it helps my heart stay soft to be ready to cry over the good made so much better because of the hard. I.Love.It.All.

And I love you. Thanks for reading.

Overcoming

Today I met an old man and his wife. They told me an incredible story. He was a high school dropout, expelled for poor behavior at sixteen.  He and his wife married very young and had three children right away. When he was twenty-five, remorseful of his previous decisions and determined to beat the odds despite his disadvantages, he got his high school equivalency and enrolled in college. For four years he went to school full time during the day and worked full time at night. There were no satellite programs in those days, and his commute to school was one hour each way. For four straight years he kept this schedule: leave the house at 7 am, go to school all day, drive home, work until 4 am, get up at 6 and do it all over. Although he was home every night for between three and four hours, his children would kiss him goodnight on Sunday and not see him again until Saturday morning. His wife cared for them during all that time, and they supported each other. After he finished school he became superintendent over the same high school principal who expelled him years before. He eventually went on to earn a masters degree and was able to be very successful and effective working with the troubled youth in his district because he knew what they were going through from his personal experiences. When he finally retired thirty-two years later, without knowing it, he signed the high school diploma that was awarded to him honorarily for his outstanding work and example.

Talk about overcoming your past.

I sometimes wonder why I even keep a blog, since I write on it so rarely. The reason, though, is in the title: this is a record, in part, of reasons I see to rejoice in life. This man's example makes me rejoice. All around me there are children of the Lord in pain. Some of them are victims of other's poor choices, and some are living consequences of theirs'. In most of these instances I know, these kids will grow up to become people who never truly escape from the pit they ended up in. It's easy to blame others, it's easy to blame yourself, and it's very hard to continue trying to improve yourself and your life when it feels like an endless marathon up a muddy grade. What makes the difference between success and failure, I think, is perspective. You have to keep perspective and believe that life really can be better. Perspective equals faith. Faith that you don't have to keep living in that same muddy hole all your life. Faith that you can become the person you desire. Faith that, no matter where you've been, you can still make it where you want to go. Faith that "though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow" (Isaiah  1:18).

I saw a great example of that today, in the man and the woman I had the pleasure of meeting. I'm so grateful they shared a little of their story with me. To see them now, tan and happy on their annual vacation together to Hawaii, you would never guess where they started. But I imagine that their story and what they've been through together is a major part of the reason why they can be so happy, because they know what they've overcome. I thanked them for their example, and hope to be like them in many ways. Whatever life throws at me, I hope I can always keep the faith and perspective to overcome.

Heute

• Good way to start off the week: package from my mom full of leftover Andes Christmas mints. Thanks mom. 
• For lunch today I ate my favorite food (salad) in my favorite way: romaine lettuce-grilled chicken-bowtie noodles-parmesan cheese with Ken's Ceasasr vinagrette. It's made just like it sounds. Cook it, chop it, throw it together, enjoy!
• Woke up to pouring rain this morning--a rarity on this, the hot, arid side of the island. Ran out to roll up my windows and close the sunroof on my car (saying my car has a sunroof makes me feel spoiled. just fyi, that's one of only two cool features about my car, other than the fact that it starts, which is the main reason I love it). Got SOAKED in my basketball shorts and sweater. My face and glasses was dripping as I came back into the garage and realized that three men from my ward were sitting there watching me. They were over visiting, at 8:00 in the morning, and all saw me in my morning glory. Awesome.
• Today begins week two of having a clean room. Although I am very big on keeping my house clean, my room usually gets neglected. Ever since college days when I was literally too tired and busy to care, I have adopted my bedroom as my messy space. I'm trying to be better though, and have succeeded for eight days straight now. Win.
• I have already done my laundry and finished two chapters in the Tohi 'a Molomona today, and with the rest of the week off till Friday, I have four days with little planned but driving brothers and sisters around and reading the TM at the beach. Another win.
• I wish people who made satellites or fiber optic cables or phone cards or anyone else in power cared a little bit more about Tonga and made it a little easier to call over there. I miss people SOOOO much, but due to lack of connectivity for phone networks between here and there, the most I can do is pray for, facebook, and dream about them. Schade. 

That's all.


Peace, love,
me

Das Haus des Herrn

I miss the Temple so much right now. I miss the peace. I miss the beauty. I miss the spirit. 

If you have a temple near you, I urge you to go to it. Put aside any interruptions, and go receive the blessing the Lord has for you there today.Your life will be enriched, I promise you. Few places do I feel as near to heaven as I do when I'm in the Lord's house doing His own work. 

God be thanked for the gift of the Temple.

So long 2012, and thanks for all the fish! (and haka, and laughs, and dances, and experiences, and memories)

2012 was a great year. And a hard year. I think they're all that way.

Some of the triumphs and blessings in my life in 2012 in no necessary order:

• Was officially accepted to graduate school
• Changed departments and jobs at work--so much happier!
• Saw wonderful family and friends during a trip to the mainland in April
• Made more friends and found new family
• Attended three temples
• Went back to Tonga!
• Hosted my mom and all of my siblings, minus one brother, in Hawaii a few weeks ago (so fun!)
• Didn't miss a single day of writing in my journal the whole year (well, one more night to go, but I'm planning on not missing one)
• Began reading the Book of Mormon in Tongan
• Bought a car
• Quit one of my jobs
• Served in the Primary and made it through program (you may not understand this as a great triumph unless you've served in Primary and been responsible for the annual program)
• Tried a lot of new foods
• Dated a very nice boy
• Read some really good books
• Watched Les Miserables, which was amazing
• Cliff-jumped into the ocean from 30 feet
• Felt joy for some dear friends of mine who got married
• Discovered Crossfit
• Branched out into more up-toned colors in my wardrobe, much to my little sisters delight
• Stayed and made a life in HI a whole year longer than initially planned 

Hardships:

• Tbh (to be honest. I just learned this new acronym from my instagram and facebook addicted sister), there were a lot of challenges and trials this year, some of them extremely difficult, some of them extremely long-lasting, and some of them on-going. BUT, despite the difficulties, which, since this is a blog about REJOICING, I shall not list here, I still have great reason to be happy.  The. End.

Goals for 2013:

• Finish reading the BoM in Tongan
• Finish reading Die Buecherdieben
• Get a scholarship
• Go to graduate school
• Help little sister get into college
• Go camping at least three times with little brother
• 100% visiting teaching
• Save at least 40% of my income
• Complete physical therapy for my back
• Run a 10K
• Go on a cruise
• Add five new states
• 100% journal writing
• Learn how to cook fish

Resolutions:

• Smile, even when it's hard
• PRAY
• Refrain from negative or critical thoughts or comments

And, added to everything already mentioned, additional things I'm looking forward to this coming year:

• Seeing my VTee's
• Getting a pedicure with my manager
• Little sisters HS graduation
• Training for a 10K
• Visiting family and friends on the mainland for a couple of months before grad school
• Grad school + ensuing challenges
• *maybe* visiting family/friends in Tonga again for Christmas
• Seeing my grandpa and his wife on their mission
• Being pain-free and strong after back heals
• Finally signing up for a frequent flier plan so I can start earning free flights! :)

Just for the record, I am grateful for my life. For everything in it, good and bad, though sometimes the bad takes me a while to appreciate. I am grateful for the two of you who read this blog on a regular basis (you know who you are), and for those others who stumble upon it. I am not perfect and my life is not perfect, but I love it nonetheless, and I hope that if nothing else, these posts will help you see that, in spite of the challenges of your own life, even in pain, YOU TOO, have great reason to rejoice.

'O4 a2 Tonga

READERS ADVISORY: This post is long, mildly sappy, and extremely text-heavy. If you're not in the mood, you should probably skip it

It is difficult for me to explain what Tonga means to me.

It is a place that has become so immersed in my life and heart that it's a struggle for me to remember who I was without it. I was less well-rounded, that's for sure, and I seem to remember a time when my passport didn't have so many stamps in it.

But now it has a few more, plus a visa that I had to pay the Kingdom a full-month price for, even though I was only going to be there two days of that month. In addition to those, there are four other new stamps--entrance and exit records from Fiji, where I inadvertently spent two days. I know. Who does that, right? Well, let me tell you--it's Air Pacific's fault.

I left Maui the end of September, with plans to spend three and a half weeks in Tonga. I would be traveling to three island groups to do research, see friends, and spend time with family*. I had to fly to Honolulu the night before, so I spent a day exploring Waikiki, where I was lucky enough to stay in a huge, beautiful room right on the strip. (good thing I work for a hotel, eh?) I ate delicious local chicken, got my phone fixed at the Apple store, and gawked in awe and wonder at the beautiful world the Lord has created. Oahu is not *quite* as gorgeous as Maui, but I will admit that it is lovely enough on its own. :)

Waikiki

I left for the Honolulu airport at 4:00 in the morning to catch my flight. It was to take me to Samoa, Fiji, and then to my beloved Tonga. I settled into my window seat, tucked two airline blankets around myself (I always get cold in the air), and settled in to spend a relaxing day with a delightful book. Samoa passed without incident. I met a couple buying open-ended tickets around the world, napped a little, and tried to keep the excited butterflies out of my stomach as much as possible. We landed in Fiji and I was curious to see what it looks like. "Where do the cannibals live?" I wondered. "Where do they grow the eggplant?" I looked out the window and saw green as far as  there was land in any direction. Green hills, green fields, green trees. Interspersed amongst the green were colorful houses. It was fun to be in the airport there--to think to myself, "wow, I'm in Fiji!" and to see so many cultures working around each other. A live band played and sang for us as we waited in line at customs before our next flight. We were only there 90 minutes or so, though, before it was back in line to go to Nuku'alofa. I found my seat on the new plane and giggled with happiness and the expectation of meeting my aunty* and her kids and being in Tonga in less than two hours.

Alas, 'twas not to be.

It was raining too hard in Tonga to land the plane, and after two attempts the pilot made an announcement that made my stomach sink: we were heading back to Fiji, and there were no answers as to when or if we'd get to Tonga.

Okay, pause here to explain something: Although I consider myself a fairly adventurous person, I do generally try to avoid getting myself into bad situations. Bad situation, as defined by me = white girl traveling alone in a foreign country where she doesn't speak the language, doesn't know anyone, and is a prime target for a plethora of criminal opportunities. [Not that I worry very much, in general, about my personal safety. My thoughts: If I'm doing what I feel directed by the Spirit to do, I will be protected]. Fiji wasn't in my plans, and I was unprepared for this "opportunity" to "see" a new country, financially, mentally, and emotionally. (not to mention MAJORLY disappointed that I wasn't going to make it to Tonga that night, especially after flying alllllllllllll day).

[aka I had a panic attack.]

But then something happened: I learned that I was sitting next to one of the three Nephites.

Okay, okay, he's not really from the scriptures, but in the course of the next two days, the man I was sharing an airplane aisle with, and his two companions, would become like angels in my life. (And since they're Samoan, and Samoans are descendants of the Nephites, I'm taking creative license and nicknaming them. K, thanks).

During the course of our two hour flight that was supposed to land us in Tonga, S. and I had become good acquaintances. He had been reading a Liahona magazine that I had asked to borrow after he was finished. He noticed my CTR ring and we struck up a conversation about the church and the church in the South Pacific, which he works with. After the pilot's terrible announcement, seeing the dissapointment and panic which must have been showing on my face despite how hard I was trying to remain calm, S. invited me to "stick with" him and his two companions. They would take care of me, he said, and it would all be okay.

And you know what? It was.

We spent two nights at a hotel in Nadi (not on the airline's dime--since it was weather related they said they couldn't take responsibility), attended church in a Fijian branch on Sunday (such nice people! and such a small world!--I knew several of the ward members/missionaries friends/family from BYU), sight-saw in Nadi and Nautoka, and two days later got back on a plane to Tonga. They didn't send my luggage till the day after (take the hint and never fly Air Pacific), but I had a spirit full of peace, gratitude, and humility at how well the Lord knows us and how He always takes care of us. I guess in the end I am willing to have sacrificed those three days in Tonga for the three new friends I made and the new experiences I had. BLESSED. LIFE.

water bottle a steward on the plane gave to me. tender mercy that spoke to my heart: I don't know why he chose me, out of all the passengers, to give this to--I didn't ask for it--but anyone who knows me well knows that water is the only thing I drink, and only Heavenly Father would have known how thirsty I was in that moment, and how concerned I was about having enough water. small, I know, but this picture speaks to my heart.

branch meetinghouse in nadi.

Fijian sugar cane fields.

ANYWAY, that was Fiji. And then I got to where I was going in the first place: The Kingdom of Tonga.

Hoi. I love Tonga. Stepping off the plane was a thrill. I hadn't been there in three years! My aunty and her kids met me at the airport and took me home. They live in a village just outside of the main city on Tongatapu, and although I was too tired to see anything that night, I woke up the next morning FULL of joy at being there and being with them and all the things I could look forward to in the next month. I loved eating the food, walking the roads, driving on the left side of the street, and going to church dances. I LOVED playing with my little cousins, having spontaneous dance parties in the living room, and relishing the time I had to relax, learn, and expand my heart a little more.

my aunty-guys live in such a nice house. just fyi, most Tongan homes do not look like this.

 And that was just the first island, just Tongatapu. Then I went to Vava'u, where, interspersed with research and dream-time with NZ and Germany friends, I had even more dream time with new friends, got to watch General Conference (loved it oh-so-so-so-much!), picked and ate about fifty million mangoes, swam often, and even got to go to a new little island. My oh my, it was wonderful.

And then there was Ha'apai. Ha'apai remains the island closest to my heart because of the people there. I have adopted family in Pangai, and it was a joy-beyond-joy to hang out with them, play rugby with my bro, build a raft with my cousins, dive from the wharf, eat my mom's cakes, and do my laundry in a bucket there. I was actually supposed to stay only four days there, but by the time my trip was supposed to be over, I still wasn't ready to leave so I extended. BLESSING. I would never trade any amount of money I would have been able to make in those two weeks for the additional time I was able to spend there. The people I love and was able to see was the number one best part of the trip.

 
Like this kid, my brother in Ha'apai. I love this guy MUCH-O.

And this lady. My other mom. There is no one else like her.

Here are some of my new friends. Goofs, all of them. Love them a lot.

plantation near Tokomololo. I think that's 'ufi.....

the blowholes. so cool!

Hufangalupe. a natural coral arch that the ocean pours into. you can see the size by how tiny my aunty and her son are up there on top.

These are some new places I saw. The Lord created such a beautiful world!


At this point I feel like I should clarify and say, though, that Tonga is not really a tourist destination, and it's definitely not for the unacustomed-to-the-reality-of-life-faint-of-heart. Sometimes people who hear me talk about it say, "Ooooooh it sounds so nice! I want to go!" But to be honest, I don't really recommend it for most people. It is beautiful, yes, but there are a lot more beautiful places that are a lot easier to get to, so if that's what you'd go for, I don't think it's a good enough reason. A lot of people are surprised when I tell them that they won't have hot water--you shower in the cold, there is a law against taking your shirt off in public--even for the males, even when you're swimming, and if you're not a big meat and starch lover/eater, you're probably not going to like the food. Food is actually the number one thing I struggle with, because I HAVE to have vegetables. If I lived there I would grow my own garden, but when I visit, the marketplace is good enough. I just feel like I have to give a caution, after I express my love to someone about Tonga, that yes, I love it, but it does take getting used to. For most of you reading this, it is a very different culture. Wonderful, in many aspects, but different.

More people I love--Pisope Vimahi and some of his kids in Pangai.

 

yay for aunties!

love and miss these guys a lot.

lupe. mami. love her.

So, that was Tonga, and now, two and a half weeks later, I'm back to my "real", regular life. For those of you who are interested and keep asking me, I have come up with my next year in plans though, written below. 

Maui till the end of May.
Mainland till the end of August.
End of August=big move across the Pacific and official induction into Kiwi-land.

You're still welcome to come visit me. :)

LIFE is a great reason to rejoice!


NOTE:
To end this post, although it is supremely personal and highly sentimental-sounding, I have decided to include a poem that I wrote a couple of years ago when I was extremely "homesick" for Tonga. Those of you who have traveled and left a part of your heart somewhere far away can probably relate.
(ps, yes I was an English major, but I am not a poet so don't judge my doggerel, okay? thanks).


Dear Tonga,
I need you:
        Under my feet.
        Around my shoulders.
        Before my eyes.
You're already
        Inside my heart.
Dear Tonga,
        Please wait for me.

I picture us together.
My hand in yours,
Watching the sun set on the reef in Pangai.
I know you see it every night,
But me, only in my dreams.
Please save a place for me on the sand beside you.
Where the little crabs will
Crawl over my toes
When I bury them
In your soft folds.

Please don't forget your promise of beautiful fish
And fruit and tea and flowers.
And the shouted "Ma'lei!"s and "Sai pe?"s of the villagers.
Remind the children that
I will bring them lole
When I come
And teach them the English words
For "goat" and "cow" and "sheep"
If they will smile at me
And let me play with them.

Dear Tonga,
Please tell your people
That I love them.
And though I'm white and
Have blue eyes,
In my heart I dance the lakalaka
And delight to serve and
Love them too.
Ask them to please accept me
And let me clean the coconuts
And do the laundry and
Climb the tree to
Get mangoes.

It's true Tonga, you're not rich,
And neither am I.
But I know that we will be happy together
Even if I have to sleep on the floor,
And shower from a bucket.
I don't mind
As long as I'm with you.

There are just a few things I don't want you to do:
          Don't use me.
          Don't leave me.
          And please don't forget me.

I'm counting on you Tonga.
Please make room.
Love,
       Me

*adopted

Just a note

Andrea Bocelli makes me want to learn Italian.

I am grateful for beautiful music; it makes me rejoice.

Meine Mutter

Yo. Hey.

Today for lunch in the cafeteria at work they had hot dogs. Hot dogs always remind me of my grandma, and 99.9% of the time, if I eat them, I eat them like I used to with her--cut up in "wheelies" with mustard on the side. Hot dogs eaten any other way just do not taste good to me.

I miss my grandma.

It's funny how foodstuff's remind you of people. I was also recently craving Hormel brand canned tamales, and when I eat them, I invaribly think of my mom. Aside from me, she's probably the only person on earth who eats those, let alone likes them. And guess what? I learned to love them from her.

I love my mom.

This post is really personal, but with all the happy, "good-feeling" things I post on here, I think it's time you learn the truth: I'm not always happy or overflowing with good feelings. Sometimes, in fact, I'm not very nice at all. 

Of all people in the world, my mom probably knows this the best.


Over the years, from me alone, she has put up with a lot of attitude, a lot of ingratitude, and a lot of disrespect. I am not proud to admit that. But growing up has helped me to recognize the humanity inside my own mom--how she's my mother, but she's also just a person--and how much she HAS done with what she's been given. My mom is amazing! She gave life to eight children! She cooked upteenthousandmillion meals, and eased all of her children through how many nights of crying, vomit, and bad dreams. She has done so much for me, and for each of my siblings, let alone how much time, love, and resources she has offered in the service of my friends. And what she taught us! She taught me  to cook, to sew, to plant a garden, to ride a horse, to read, to sing, how to tie a bucket to your hip to pick raspberries, and the list goes on forever. More than anything she gave me, I am grateful for two things in particular:

1) The Gospel.
My dad was never an active member of the church throughout my life. Everything I learned about the gospel as a child came from my mom. She dressed us up every Sunday (I still remember the awful, leftover-80's POOF she would make of my bangs every week when I was little), got us all in the car, taught my brother to go first and hold the door open for us girls, and sat proudly BY HERSELF with all of us (under 13 years old at one point), during sacrament meeting, only occasionally whispering threats down the pew as necessary. She fulfilled her callings, did her visiting teaching, looked out for those in need, and uplifted others right and left. I shouldn't write in past tense, because she continues to do this today. My mom is fully converted to the Gospel, and she lives it as well as anyone I know.

2) The gift of hard work.
I now understand that it was an act of great love for my mom to teach me, starting when I was very young, how to work hard. She taught by example, because I highly doubt that she has ever lived a day in her life when she has not gone to bed at the end of it worn out, with aching feet and heavy eyes. I am unspeakably grateful to my mom (and the examples of others in my family too) for loving me enough to give me this gift. Nothing that I now have in my life, no opportunity that I have been presented with, would have been possible or attainable if I hadn't learned young how to "put [my] nose to the grindstone rough...." I will forever be thankful to my mom for teaching me to work hard and with integrity. Her supreme motto, when I was growing up, was "leave it better than you found it." If all the world was raised in my mom's house, it would be a better place.

I know there are a lot of people who think a lot of their own mother's, but overall, I just can't help but think what an incredible example my mom is. Of faith, humility, and humor. Remember Elder Wirthlin's talk from conference a few years ago? "Come What May and Love It?" That's my mom. She cries sometimes, but most often, she laughs. I don't know how she can consistently do that, but I live with the hope that, as I get older, I will become more like her in this regard, and many others. I want to be known by others as she is, as someone that is true in all things and can be trusted with anything that they are given to do. To be a person that serves and uplifts others. That will be there to give a hug or entertain a child or clean a dirty house or wash a sink of dishes. She's the kind who does those things. I've seen it again and again. I've seen her kneel in prayer for help and gratitude. I've seen her go through trials that would break any lesser person. And by break I mean "destroy beyond recognition." She's incredible. No, she's not the same mom I had when I was little, but then again, I'm not the same chubby-cheeked cry-baby I was when I was little either (well, okay, maybe I am, but I'm trying to grow out of it :) ). All in all, she's just incredible, and I'm grateful for her. My mom is one of the great reasons I have to rejoice.

Hopefully your mom is one of your reasons too. If so, go tell her you love her. And thank her. Thank her for everything.

I love you mom.

clarification

Auckland Proper. Not my picture.

I know I wasn't very informative in my last post. If you care, you're probably wondering what "Hoi" and "That's all I have to say about that" mean, as a reflection of my feelings regarding grad school. Answer: I was overwhelmed. I had a million thoughts. I haven't been able to articulate, very well, my feelings and thoughts and expectations for the coming years recently.

But it's getting better.

Last week I met an incredible person whose acquaintance helped me immensely. This person left home at a very young age right after high school to accept a scholarship to a university in a very foreign country. This person did not speak the language of the country. This person did not understand their classes. This person missed their family and their home and their culture and their life. But this person put the proverbial shoulder to the wheel and carved out an incredible life. This person learned the language. This person succeeded in school. This person made friends and found a career and lived and laughed and loved and enjoyed, and they are a better person for it.

That's what I want to do.

Truth be told, I'm nervous. I tremor slightly thinking of a four year commitment across a wide sea from most of what I love, and I shed tears every time I think of moving away from this island. But, along with the knowledge I have that the Lord is in control of my life and is there guiding and directing me, the example of this person strengthens me a lot. I know that it will not be easy, but I am preparing for the challenges as best I can. And I also realize there is more to look forward to than the hard work. I mean, hello, I'm moving to New Zealand! I'm going to have access to and be able to see a part of the world that I've never fully experienced before. New places to visit, based on closer proximity: Australia, SE Asia, Japan, China, and India. There will be new food! And new people! And a larger YSA program than Maui has! Plus, when I graduate, you will all have the privilege of referring to me as Dr. Cook. Yep, that's right, I will have some new initials before and after my name, haha.

So, all in all, I am excited. I believe that life is to be lived, not just observed. I have been so blessed. I know that everything I have is from the Lord, not because I deserve it but maybe just because it's a test of trust. Will I do right with what I have? Will I use these opportunities to become the person He wants me to be? Will I be an influence for good on the people I will come into contact with? I want to. I hope to. I plan to. So, those are my thoughts, in case you were wondering. Also in case you were wondering, you are definitely invited to crash on my floor or couch or in my bathtub if there is no where else if you want to visit NZ sometime in the next four years. Anyone want to go to Thailand with me?

Doesn't that possibility just make you feel like rejoicing?

IN

Blessing of my life #38498574738927475394875474939300349857102256459031247230048474734:

I am officially accepted to graduate school.

School: University of Auckland
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Degree: PhD Candidate
Program: German
Anfangsdatum: 01 April 2013
Projected Graduation Date: three to four years later
Feelings: hoi.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Once again I invoke upon us the promise of a visionary Robert Browning:

(from pinterest)

PS: Haben wir nicht groβen Grund zur Freude?